Logically Speaking

I am bad at math. In fact, to say that I am challenged in this discipline may be an understatement, a minimization of the true nature of all things related to the relationship I have with numbers. Nonetheless, it is a reality I've dealt with most of my life. To clarify, it is not for lack of trying that my math skills have not developed as they should. Indeed, quite the opposite is true. When I think about it, I've probably devoted more time and effort trying to understand word problems, equations, number lines, and fractions than most. For example, when I was in elementary school, I was kept inside during many a recess to work on practice math problems while my classmates enjoyed the playground. In high school, I never advanced past the math courses required for graduation, despite the extra studying. And while attending college, I was required to enroll in remedial math classes before signing up for additional courses. These days, as an adult, I still struggle with all but the most basic of math operations.

For many years, my inability to advance past an elementary understanding of all things mathematical haunted and embarrassed me, and I found it difficult to reconcile myself to the possibility that I did not possess a sense of logic one requires to successfully understand or solve math problems. There were many days I felt  illogical in other areas of my life as well. Moreover, I could not understand how all of the time and effort I had invested over the years to improve my skills, as well as the endless hours of instruction provided by my parents, teachers, and friends, had left me a below-average mathematician.   

After much self-reflection, however, I've come to realize my ineptitude in math has actually increased my capacity for the creative. In many situations, I find I am quite creative and logical in my approaches to problem solving, although I cannot tell you how or why this happens. For instance, when I garden, crochet a blanket, write an essay, read and analyze a section of text, or decipher a song lyric, I use logic and I problem solve. I just do so in a different way, a way that works for me. And while I will never stop trying to improve my math skills, I refuse to be defined by how well I know my multiplication tables, or how swiftly I can convert an improper fraction to a mixed fraction. Logically speaking, two plus two will always equal four, and the creative, logical part of me is okay with that. Just don't ask me to explain how I arrived at my answer.